A blog about travel, books and navigating your twenties in one piece

Thursday, 12 June 2014

On Journal Day #10

Danielle decided to take a break from Journal Day, which actually came at a perfect time for me as I was in the midst of all my exams and had planned to keep up with it but am well aware that it is unlikely that would have happened. So, by taking that break, Danielle has been able to recharge her batteries for the feature and I haven't missed out due to revision - double yay!

"Let's talk about love. Do you believe in the idea of a soulmate? Do you think there is one person for everyone- and do you think that no matter what, if you're "supposed" to meet that person you will? This week, talk about your experience with love and discuss what you believe, and also be sure to touch on what helped shape those beliefs."


Being the daughter of divorced parents, I sometimes get asked whether I still believe in concepts like true love and marriage. Much to some people's surprise, I truly do believe in such concepts - that marriage is meaningful and important (at least for me) and true love is possible, although coming with lots of work. I guess I haven't had the experience of a 'role model' couple due to my parents divorcing when I was six and both my Grandpas having passed away by the time I was seven. And yet I very much hold that marriage is a worthwhile celebration and commitment. Maybe I'm naive or maybe I've watched one too many Disney films (although you can NEVER watch too many Disney films) but I do sustain that and hope to one day get married. 

However, I'm not sure I believe in the idea of a soulmate; that there is one person for everyone. I'm aware of the myth, which I think comes from Plato's writing, that when we were created we were split in two and so should seek 'our other half', which I always thought was a lovely idea. Yet, in reality, to me, it doesn't appear to work that way. Granted, I haven't had much experience, but that's what I feel for now. For instance, my Mum hasn't been with anyone since she and my Dad divorced eleven years ago and, as far as I know, she's more than content. She's created a wonderful career for herself, a great group of friends that I adore and supports me and my Gran. Now, maybe when I leave home she might find someone, or even before that, but that makes me think that not necessarily everyone has a soulmate.


I'm not sure that's the best example but I've met people who have died alone, without having had what they would consider to be true love or meeting their soulmate. It just makes me think that there's more than one person out there that you could fall in love with and have an incredible relationship with. Writing about this reminds me of an episode of Friends in which Phoebe thinks she's found Monica's soulmate, despite her being married to Chandler. Chandler feels threatened and when talking to Monica about it, finds they both don't believe in soulmates, just that they work a lot at their relationship and love each other, but that's not to say that, had the circumstances been different, they couldn't have ended up with someone different. I think that very much rings true with me and how I see things.

So I may not necessarily believe in there being one person for everyone, but I do believe that some things are meant to be, and that everything happens for a reason. I've been trying to work out how I can distinguish between not believing in soulmates but almost believing in some kind of destiny and, to be honest, I'm not all that sure how to explain it. I prefer to believe that everything happens for a reason, making every experience worthwhile because I think if I believed in soulmates, it wouldn't make as much sense to me why we would go into relationships that aren't with our soulmate, thinking that I would meet my one person. I do think/hope there will be one person that I spend my life with, but not that they are the only person that that could have been.

As for what's shaped my beliefs, I don't really know. Most likely it's a mixture of my Mum, my sisters and learning through my own experience. I think growing up changes your mind a lot about what you believe on this subject. If you'd asked me five years ago if I believed in soulmates, I probably would have said yes because it is a beautiful idea. But now, I think that there not being just one person but instead there being a person you choose to work at a relationship with, having fallen in love with them, is an even more beautiful idea.

Read previous Journal Day entries here.

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